Distract Me With A Text
by Curious Archer
Summary: Robin is getting a ride home from Hope one day but finds her constant talk about how true her parents love is to be grating at best. Luckily she's got Alice to text whenever she needs to complain. - A Next Generation Story.


Hope was, by no means, a bad person. In fact, there was a time when Hope was Robin's best friend during the years they were growing up together. When Robin had discovered the reason behind her father's death, it had been Hope who had offered a shoulder to cry on and when Robin had first started to learn how to use her magic, it had been Hope who had encouraged her the most – even though she had no magic of her own. She was never bitter about Robin getting things she wanted and Robin couldn't remember the last time she'd ever gotten jealous about anything either. She was perfectly happy with what she had and therefore ecstatic for her friends whenever they got something as well. She was a good person, truly, deep down, she was a wonderfully kind and sweet friend and Robin was lucky to have her...

But dear lord was Robin getting really sick of listening to her go on and on about her parents and their truest of loves or whatever bullshit it was she had been calling it since Robin got in the car. The stupid college had done a lesson on the power of true love and Hope had come out of it with suddenly the highest regard for her own parents and her grandparents (who were actually an example during the lesson). In fact she was so overly impressed with her own existence that Robin was surprised her head was still fitting behind the driver's side steering wheel. She had spared Robin all of two seconds to ask how she was doing before Hope jumped in to what an honour it was to simply have been born to two generations of true love.

And if you thought that was the end of it, oh no. Hope had then go on to talk about just how much true love her parents had, emphasising all the romantic moments they had over the years and all the stories she had been told over time about them. She couldn't seem to get enough of the pixie flower story and how special she felt that her parents didn't need to share True Love's Kiss in order to prove what they had and how it probably meant they had a love even more special than everyone else, including her grandparents.

She had been at it for the whole of their hour long drive to the lakes and hadn't stopped even after they arrived. In the end, Robin had feigned a headache and asked if it was okay to head home early. Hope had once again spared a short second to be a good friend, reassuring Robin that of course it was okay and did she want to stop by anywhere for some pills on the way back and such to help her feel better. In fact Robin almost felt bad about cutting their day short...  
Until they were back in the car. Then after just five minutes, Hope was off again and Robin was praying that the drive would somehow take less time to get home than it did to get there. She even wished she had her magic back just so she could use it to get herself safely away. If she did, she could back home in an instant. But she didn't and so she was forced to sit and listen to Hope go on and on and on for the whole journey.

"I mean, can you imagine what will happen when I find my true love?" Hope said. "It'll be like, triple true love! I'll bet my kid will be the most powerful magic user in the history of ever!"

"Why?" Robin couldn't stop herself from asking sharply. "True love doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a magical kid."

"Well it did for my mum." Hope shrugged.

"Your mum was the Saviour. That's not connected to her being from True Love. The only thing her being from True Love confirmed was that she would break the Dark Curse and even that was set up by Rumplestiltskin in the first place. Besides, if there was a connection then you'd have magic. Since your parents are such true love." Robin noted.

"Oh true. Plus you certainly wouldn't have any magic since your mum and dad hated each other and she basically raped him." Hope said lightly.

Robin winced and scowled at her, but Hope remained oblivious to it, staring out the window and bobbing slightly along to the music from the radio. It was some country song that Robin wasn't personally a fan of but Hope had put it on and seemed to be enjoying it. Mind, she could find the beat for any song she was listening to.

This was just how she was. Not the song thing though that too. But the casual and almost thoughtless mention of sensitive issues that other people would understand weren't so simple. Robin remembered how blatantly Hope had asked Aurora if she still hated Maleficent after she put her under the sleeping curse, in the middle of Philip Jr's birthday party... With Lily right there in the room with them! And some time after that, she mentioned loudly how relieved she was not to have to deal with the drama of the past. Like how when Ruby had to worry about being hunted down after eating her boyfriend alive – to Ruby of all people, two days before the anniversary of the events no less.

People knew Hope wasn't being malicious about it, but it was hard to keep from scowling at her while her parents or friends tried to subtly shut her up or change the subject. Only once Robin hadn't been so subtle and that was when Hope had tried to invite Robin to a party celebrating her father being granted a second chance at life by Zeus. Since any idiot would remember that was also the day Robin lost her own father and he wasn't given a second chance to be with his family. Robin had been so upset and angry with her, she had lashed out and threatened to knock Hope senseless if he didn't leave the room that second.

She had apologized for it later, but it had still take Robin a while to truly forgive her. And even now it was a sore subject to remember.

"Still. True love is definitely the goal in life." Hope continued. "You're so lucky to have Alice."

At that, Robin allowed herself to smile and began to nod her head. She'd happily discuss that with Hope now that she had brought it up.

Only to stop herself short mid nod when Hope continued: "Just like my parents are lucky to have each other! You have no idea the feeling of knowing there's just so much True Love running down your family line! It's really so amazing, Ro'."

Robin rolled her eyes and turned away to look back out the window. After a moment she reached into her pocket, fishing out her phone while Hope droned on beside her. She may be an air head sometimes, but she did make the occasional good point. Like the fact that Robin was lucky enough to have Alice in her life.

Speaking of which, Robin smiled to find a text waiting for her when she looked down at the screen.

** Alice: Sup, Nobin. How goes the play not-a-date?**

Smiling even brighter, Robin quickly replied:

_ Robin: Not good. Hope's drivin me bonkers. Coming home early._

Robin turned to look up and winced at the cue of traffic lining all the way into the distance ahead of them. It was almost at a standstill and would no doubt double the time of their journey.

And Hope was still going on about her damn parents freaking True Love. How could one boring subject last for so damn long?

Luckily Robin felt her phone vibrate a second later.

** Damn. Sorry love.**

She quickly replied:

_ Wish you were here._

** Me too. Is she still going?**

Robin glanced up. Hope was now, by the sounds, telling an in detail story that was something to do with her parents first kiss. A story that Robin couldn't care less about if she physically tried.

_ Apparently her parents snogged at a really bad time._

** Is there such a thing? XP**

Robin stifled a laugh and glanced up, making sure Hope hadn't noticed. But now, she had paused her story to focus on not getting too close to the stalled car in front. After which, she quickly returned to it, keeping her eyes focused ahead as she did to avoid any close calls or accidents. After she was sure she was safe, Robin turned back to her phone.

_ When you're in the middle of saving your son?_

** ... Okay yeah. Bad time.**

Robin pressed her palm against her mouth, casually resting her elbow against the door like she was leaning on it to hide her grin. She waited until she was calm before glancing at Hope. She was still in the middle of telling the Neverland story.

_ Is there such a thing as someone having too much info on her parents?_

** Ask how she was conceived. If she knows then the answers yes.**

"What are you grinning at?" Hope asked suddenly.

"What? Oh- Uh- Just Alice." Robin stuttered quickly, sitting up slightly.

"Oh. Say hi! And ask her how her dad is? Has the illusion worn off yet?" Hope said brightly.

Robin sighed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "For the last time, Hope. Rogers isn't under an illusion. He was de-aged to be young again."

"Uh huh." Hope said, not sounding convinced. "Ask her anyway."

Robin resisted the urge to elbow her. And only because she knew it might cause her to jerk the wheel and make them crash. They were still stuck in traffic so weren't going fast enough to cause any real damage but it would definitely add even more unwanted time to their trip.

_ She says hi and wants to know if your dad's old and ugly yet._

** That was mean.**

Robin winced and mentally slapped herself.

_ Sorry. It was a poor joke. I'm just in a bad mood with her stupid questions._

** It's okay. You can make it up later. Say hi back and nope, papas same as always.**

"Alice says hi and no, her dad's still better looking than yours." Robin grinned, sending Alice a text of what she just said – you know, to make up for the first comment. Alice responded with a series of laughing emoji's.

"Ew." Hope said, wrinkling her nose. "He wishes."

"Dude, they're identical!" Robin laughed.

Hope, not smiling, rolled her to eyes. "Well mum could tell them apart in seconds. Guess it must just be another true love thing."

Robin had to resist the urge to slap a hand against her face and tell Hope to shut up already. Instead she turned back to her texts and stabbed the buttons furiously.

_ Please make Hope stfu_

** Lol!**

_ This isn't funny. I mean it. I need you to save me!_

** Nope. On your own**

_ Worst wife ever_

** Love you too (Heart Emoji)**

Robin looked up. They had barely moved since they first joined the cue and Hope was still going on. Time to influence the conversation or Robin was not going to make it.

"Did you hear about Neal?" Robin asked, interrupting Hope's story of how her dad proved his true love after he traded his ship for her mum – something she claimed wasn't the same when Rogers did it for Alice because he traded it to someone who would have given it back.

"No, what about him?" Hope asked.

"Dumped Alex."

"No!" Hope shrieked.

"Yeah, apparently he's been avoiding her for a few weeks now and the other day he finally sucked it up and broke up with her." Robin explained.

"Who told you?" Hope asked.

"Vanessa, Alex's little sister. Apparently Alex has been hiding away since it happened."

"Poor Alex... She doesn't deserve that." Hope sighed.

"No, but it's better do it now. Neal just wants to try new things and date other people. He's been with Alex since always and I think he wants to try experimenting a bit." Robin explained, trying to make it casual and not like Neal had personally told her all these things right before she told him he'd better end it with Alex before he broke her heart. Robin truly had the best intentions but she doubt Alex would see it that way and she didn't trust Hope's big mouth.

"Wait, are you saying Neal is gay?!" Hope blinked.

"I think he's more bi." Robin shrugged. "And that's not why he broke up with her so don't go spreading it around."

"I won't. I'd never embarrass poor Alex like that." Hope said sincerely.

"Good." Robin nodded.

Suddenly her phone vibrated and she found another text from Alice.

** She still going?**

_ Nope. I changed the subject._

"But you know, even if he's bi, I still think they'll get back together." Hope said.

"Yeah?"

"Are you kidding? They're both, like, from true love! And they obviously have it themselves. It's like destiny! Like my mum and dad, they're just meant to end up together I'm sure of it."

Robin bit her lower lip to keep from growling. "Destiny and True Love aren't the same thing either, Hope."

"Since when? Your dad was destined to be with Regina." Hope said.

"They were soul mates. That's not the same as true love." Robin explained.

"Well I still think they're true love. Like my parents and my grandparents all are. It's practically genetic and Neal is my uncle." Hope went on. "He will definitely be like my mum – his sister." She added like Robin needed reminding.

Turning back to her phone, Robin practically broke the pad from the force of her stabbing a message to Alice. When she was done her fingers ached and didn't feel any better about it.

_ Never mind. She back at it._

More laughing emojis.

_ Im gonna jump out the car _

** Remember to tuck and roll**

Robin smirked and glanced out the window. She could get out and walk and it would probably be faster than sitting in this traffic.

"Do me a favour." Hope said suddenly. "Ask Alice if she wants to come to dinner with me and the folks next week."  
Robin blinked. "Um, okay. Why?"

"I was thinking about something... Anyway just ask her!" Hope said, waving a hand at her.

"Okay..." Robin said slowly before messaging Alice once more.

_ Hope wants to know if you're free for a meal next week_

It took her a few minutes to reply but she seemed enthusiastic about the idea – at least Robin guessed she was – so she was probably just distracted. While Robin had chosen to spend the day with Hope, Alice was offering to keep Lucy entertained, taking her down to the pier and getting her dad to give them a ride on his new ship (The Royal Starfish – as named in Alice's honour).

** Yeah sure!**

"She says she is." Robin said.

"Great!" Hope beamed, looking a little too excited for Robin's liking.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not invited?" Robin asked.

"You can come if you want." Hope shrugged.

"Gee, thanks."

"I don't mean it like that. It's just I have a reason for asking Alice to come." Hope explained.

"And that reason is?"

Hope paused, the traffic allowing her to take her eyes off of the road and glance at Robin for a moment. "I'll tell you, but only if you promise not to say anything to Alice. I want the chance to talk to her about it myself, first."

"Okay. I promise." Robin lied.

Hope grinned that famous smile that showed all of her teeth. "I'm going to help set her dad up."

Robin did a double take. "You're what?!"

Hope nodded her head excitedly, her dark blonde hair bobbing along with her. She was practically vibrating out of her seat and had failed to notice that Robin was looking at her like she had grown three extra heads. She knew Hope liked to play match maker with their friends (and so far had a fifty-fifty chance of it actually working out) but Rogers wasn't her school mate and Robin could not imagine any set up Hope had in mind as being a good one. She'd probably try to set him up with Robin's aunt Regina or something! Talk about ugh!

"Um, Hope. Don't you think you're a little in over your head? I mean what do you even know about Rogers? He's like your dad but he's different now, he probably doesn't have the same tastes as Killian." Robin advised cautiously.

"I know. My parent's true love is unique!" Hope beamed, not catching the way Robin threw her head back and mouthed her annoyance to the roof of the car. "That's what the dinners for. I'm gonna find out what type Alice's dad has and set him up! That way he won't be so lonely!"

Robin opened and shut her mouth so many times, the car was moving again before she found the words. "Hope. That's not a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well because Rogers probably won't appreciate it."

"I'm helping him find his true love. How can he not appreciate it?" Hope asked.

Robin wet her lips, trying to find the words to explain but soon gave up. She didn't even know where to begin with this mess and just shook her head, grabbing for her phone.

"You promised not to tell Alice!" Hope reminded her quickly.

"I know. I won't." Robin said.

_ Guess what_

** What?**

_ Your dad's gonna get set up by Hope_

There was no reply for a long time. Robin wondered if Alice was upset that Hope was trying to stick her nose in her family business. Robin definitely would have been if their roles were reversed.

"As your friend, I really don't think it's a good idea to try and set up Rogers," Robin insisted.

"Okay." Hope said, but in that bored tone of someone barely listening.

"I mean it! I'm really serious about this, Hope."

"I get it! God, Ro', do you always have to be such a boring downer! What's the worst that could happen?!" Hope snapped.

"You could make other people uncomfortable and upset!" Robin challenged.

"Oh, whatever." Hope snorted, rolling her whole head along with her eyes this time.

"You know what, Hope-" Robin was interrupted by her phone alerting her to a message.

** Sorry! Was laughing so much! Can't wait to see who she sets papa up with! LOL!**

Hesitating, Robin took a breath and smiled. "You know what, Hope. Do what you want."

Hope scowled at her. "You told Alice. Didn't you?"

Robin considered it, then figured there was no point lying – at least not any more. "She's my wife, Hope. We don't keep secrets."

Hope stared at her coldly until the lights overhead turned green. Then surprised Robin by smiling and shrugging as she drove forward. "Fair enough. So she's okay with me setting up her dad?"

"Yeah..." Robin sighed and glanced sideways at her. "Actually, she thinks it's hilarious."

Hope didn't seem put off the idea and continued smiling. "Good! Glad she's not as stiff as you. I swear, Ro'. You used to be a lot more fun before you met Alice. Did she suck all the fun into herself or something? Maybe I'll take her out for the day next time. I bet she'd appreciate my stories about my parent's true love."

"Sure." Robin mumbled, already texting Alice.

_ Good news. She wants to take you out next time. Hope you like stories about how wonderful her parents are._

** Don't be mean**

_ Her idea. Apparently your more fun than me._

** True**

_ :P_

"Ro'... You're not mad at me, are you?" Hope asked suddenly.

"Of course not." Robin said instantly, then winced. "It's just... Could we quit talking about your parents love? No offence, but I honestly don't give a shit about them."

Hope hesitated, then laughed. "Oh wow, are you jealous, Ro'?"

"What?! That's what you took from that?!"

"I'm just saying. It sounds like it. Which is weird cause you have Alice! I'm sure you'll prove your true love someday. Like mum and dad didn't prove it in the typical way so..." Her voice faded away as Robin zoned her out and turned her attention to her phone yet again.

_ SAVE ME_

** NO XP**

_ I will let you adopt ONE house pet if you save me right now._

No reply.

Hope was still going on and on about just how her parents realised they were true love and how special that moment was for everyone. The way Hope described it, the whole town was celebrating the event.

Robin looked out the window, wondering if she'd survive a tuck and roll at this speed.

There was a rush of wind that ruffled their hair from behind and a familiar poofing sound came with it, followed by a slight white colour cloud that the two girls saw from the corner of their eyes. It was a surprise but they were both also so used to this kind of transportation that neither reacted to it (which was quite lucky considering that a reaction could very well have caused them to crash now that they had picked up their speed again). After the wind and cloud died down, Robin looked over her shoulder to the back seats where a bright face sat grinning back at her.

"Alice?" Hope blinked, looking at her in the rear view mirror.

Sure enough, Alice was there. She was settled on the middle seat and leaned forward between the two front seats, still grinning widely at them both. "Hi!"

"What are you doing here?" Hope asked.

"Sorry to interrupt your trip. But I just remembered that Robin and I were meant to go shopping before the pet store closes." Alice said. "So I came to get her."

"You're getting a pet?" Hope gasped excitedly.

"Yup!" Alice grinned.

"Oh! Lucky! What's are you getting?"

"Not sure yet. Gonna see what's they have and if any of them call out to us." Alice said, jittering impatiently but also far too polite to rush the conversation. "So are you okay if I steal my wife back a little early?"

"I'll say yes this time... But you owe me." Hope laughed.

"Deal!" Alice giggled. "Do you want me to get you home first?"

"Na, I still feel restless so I'm gonna drive down to visit 'Stasia." Hope explained.

"I could poof you there, if you want." Alice offered.

"You're good. Go get your pet." Hope grinned at her through the mirror. "And send me a picture when you pick one out! And I'll want to meet it soon, too!"

"Will do!" Alice promised before poofing herself and Robin out of the car...

... And straight into the middle of the local pet shop.

"I didn't actually mean now!" Robin yelped.

"I can send you back if you'd prefer." Alice offered innocently.

Robin groaned. "Go on then. Pick something out."

Alice squealed, hugging Robin excitedly. She'd been dying and begging for a house pet for almost a whole year now, having gotten the idea after visiting the Nolan farm and spending the day playing with their dog. But Robin had been doing everything to put it off. She never actually said an all out no to her since it was clearly something that Alice truly wanted, but at the same time she was reluctant. Robin wasn't an animal person. She never had been for as long as she could remember, and in that way, she was the complete opposite of Alice, who had a natural way with practically all living creatures.

"I'd thank you for helping me get out of there, but I did have to bribe you for it so..." Robin snorted softly.

Alice laughed, lifting her head and pecking her on her cheek. "You're welcome." And with that, she ran off to find their new pet.

And that was how Alice and Robin adopted Louie the rabbit. Alice's best friend and Robin's worst enemy. But that's a whole other story for another time.

* * *

**This story idea was born from a tweet from a friend of Tiera looking bored in the car. It's also includes all my personal headcanons for Hope: That being that she's quite naive and very spoilt, but still a truly good person who just doesn't think things through at times. And also there's another little headcanon at the end where Alice is great with animals but Robin has some serious problems with them.**

**This is also being posted instead of a chapter of GPW. I was meant to get another chapter up but I got distracted and haven't finished my proof reading of it. So that will probably have to wait until next week again. Sorry for all those waiting and hopefully this silly oneshot will help a bit.**


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